The PAP Thing

Here's a good lesson to remember: If you mention a prostate exam in a blog, by God you'll be hearing from lots of women about PAP smears. I honestly didn't think I'd be writing this much about body holes this week, but in order to be completely fair to both sexes, I now provide you with my extensive expertise on PAP smears.

For all the men out there (as well as any Kentucky fried women who have never had a PAP smear due to either religious beliefs or the skank factor), I will now explain the PAP smear.

At the risk of getting too technical, PAP is this nasty goo that is found inside women. More specifically, it is the goo located in the snu. And we all know what the snu is.

The best way to think about it is this... You know how 70% of the earth's surface is comprised of water? The other 30% is PAP.

So what happens is that this PAP goo, which originates from the devil, eventually congeals in the snu until it forms letters resulting in demonic messages, such as "Get out!" and "You never listen to me."

This is where the doctor comes in. The doctor has to get up in there in that snu and smear the PAP around in order to mess up the messages from the devil. If you don't smear the PAP in a timely manner, all hell breaks loose and the woman gets her period. It's called a period because once it happens, you're gonna get yelled at, period. You'll get yelled at for everything from using a can opener to mentioning your prostate exam.

Therefore, all women should receive daily PAP smears.

The end.