The Secret to Installing Storm Windows

As most of you know, I'm really quite talented and handy around the house. Hence, the extension cord dangling from the ceiling of our garage and my preference for whacking nails with the blunt end of an orange electric screwdriver.

So naturally putting up four new storm windows was no big deal for me. 

First, before you order the storm windows, you gotta make sure you measure the window frame correctly. Then, after you receive the storm windows and discover that you didn't measure the frames correctly, you gotta trim the edges of the storm windows and force them into place. I like to use old crusty pliers to trim the edges of the metal storm windows. This way, you end up with storm windows that look like they have decorative jagged teeth. And of course the best way to force the storm window into place is with the blunt end of an orange electric screwdriver.

Next, use the other end of the orange electric screwdriver to screw in most of the screws that came with the windows. If only half of them make it into the wood, that's okay, the windows can handle it. That's why they're called storm windows.

Now comes the tricky part. The glass on the top part will want to keep slamming down to the bottom due to gravity. So you gotta squeeze those Alcatraz things in with your fingers and try to raise it back up to the top. But you have to be really careful when you get it to the top. If you make any sudden or wrong movements, the glass will fall quickly back to the bottom of the frame. But if you try again and again and again over a period of, say, 5 hours, eventually it'll stay in place. Then, you gotta hope and pray that nothing catastrophic touches the storm window, like rain drops. If that happens, the glass at the top will come falling back down.

Also, if you want to adjust the glass in the bottom half so that you can let fresh air come through the screen, don't even think about trying it. There's no way to do it. Believe me I've tried. Even if you wedge the orange electric screwdriver under the glass at the bottom and then climb on top of the stepladder to pull the bottom glass up to the top, it won't work. Because as soon as you breathe or make any kind of vibration, the glass at the top will come back down again.

I told you it was tricky. And that's why you need to know the secret to installing storm windows.

Wanna know what it is?

Here you go.

Make sure you don't put them in upside down.

Thought you'd like to know that, just in case you make a big mistake and buy storm windows some day.

And now something that has nothing to do with storm windows. Here's a new video of my performance on a TV show called "Who's Laughing Now?" Actually it's a 4-minute interview followed by a 6-minute performance.